Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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