hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
