He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
