i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
PANTIES FOUND
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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