exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
