So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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