i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
