i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
