last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
