Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
50% drunk capacity currently
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
