Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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