well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
