That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
