Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
