Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
