The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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