Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
