I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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