I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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