She is in my trunk
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
