can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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