well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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