You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
