Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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