the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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