I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
