I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
