kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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