Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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