Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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