We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
