I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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