I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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