Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
