Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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