Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
