Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
