Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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