you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
