Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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