Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There's always time for handjobs
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
