yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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