oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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