I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
