plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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