it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
