What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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