dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
