peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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