My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
