I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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