You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
