you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
